The Fears We Have And The Affect They Have On Us?

Kids are usually fearless, they move forward and do whatever they want or rather whatever they desire. For example, if they want to cross the road then they will just run. They haven’t developed enough to understand the dangers that are out there. The things that we as adults are frightened of! Of course we learn through trial and error, for example, I know that if I put my hand on a hot stove I will burn and I only need to do it once to learn that I shouldn’t do it again. It is a conditioning that I am happy for.

But I always wondered how are we supposed to teach our kids when it is safe to for example cross the road, when are our fears rational and when do they become irrational? At what point are they a good tool used by our sub conscience to protect us and at what point are they used to hinder us from development?

One particular fear that I remember growing up as a child is the separation and utter misery I felt when my parents went out for the evening and left me with a baby sitter. I remember being so scared that they were not going to come back or that something terrible was going to happen. Of course, all children get this to some degree, but how do we teach our kids that everything is going to be ok, that it is a normal part of life? Why do kids feel this way? At what age did I start to feel this way and what made it so different?

How do I teach a child how to manage their emotions and the differences between the irrational fears and the rational ones? How do I teach my child that there are no goblins hiding under the bed, how do I teach her that she is frightening herself?

I remember I used to be scared to go to sleep at night because I thought there were ghosts in my room. We used to live opposite a graveyard and at times I would let my imagination run away with me. I would often have nightmares too and so bedtime was always a very stressful time for me. I hated going to sleep and cried almost every night. I remember my mother used to sit on my bed with me and stroke my head. She would leave the light on so that I could see. She would tuck me into my duvet like a cocoon so that nothing could get to me and would tell me to picture something that I loved. She told me to paint the picture in my head and focus on that and the lovely feelings that came with it. I would focus on a picture of a chocolate birthday cake with candles on it and as per her instructions I would tell myself that I wasn’t going to have a bad dream. Every night for years I would imagine this cake and repeat over and over again that I was going to be fine and I wasn’t going to have a bad dream. And eventually it worked!

2 thoughts on “The Fears We Have And The Affect They Have On Us?

  1. Hi Yolanda,

    what a great post questions about fears and how to guide our children so they would lead a safe life.
    Your mother taught you a great tool to picture something (the chocolate cake 🙂 ) so you would have good dreams.
    My three boys are all over 20 now and I wish I would have trusted their inner knowing and told them that they do have an Inner Being which can guide them.
    When they were little they liked to do ‘risky things’ like climbing trees or balancing on fences and I learned to trust that they would be ok, since I could not walk beside the with a concrete umbrella and cotton wool under them. LOL.
    I am sure that as a parent we use our own common sense to guide our children and we do our best – the rest is up to them.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
    Love and Joy
    Yorinda
    Yorinda recently posted..A Puzzle – Just for FunMy Profile

  2. More often than not, kids get easily scared by their imagination. This is normal, but once it becomes consistent and their fear grows stronger, parents should act immediately. Know that it may be difficult for you to teach your child to overcome his or her fear, but bear in mind that it is not impossible.
    Candice Michelle recently posted..simple animation softwareMy Profile

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